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Thursday, August 23, 2012

How to Make Yourself Fat and Sick!

It's really no trick to make yourself fat and sick- just follow standard medical advice and common wisdom:

Eat a low calorie, low fat diet!

This will ensure that you are constantly hungry, which will cause your body to be scared that it is starving.  Your metabolism will slow, and your body will put a high priority on storing body fat!

Cut WAY back on eating fats, since everyone knows that eating fat is what makes you fat!

Now you will be really hungry, all the time, since good fats are what satiate our appetite.  You will constantly be "grazing" for food, probably in the form of grains and sugars...

Exercise more and eat less!

Now, you're really upping the ante- your exercise, if your follow the standard advice, will be cardio in nature- brisk walking, jogging, aerobics, spin classes... Your body will respond by losing muscle, since  this low level of working out tells your body that you need to be lighter, and muscle tissue is heavy- so, your body answers your demands and uses up muscle to prioritize fat storage for those long sessions of low exertion.

Eat plenty of "healthy whole grains"!

This is where our government gets involved.  Ever check out the USDA's "My Food Plate", which replaces their old "Food Pyramid"?  They recommend you eat 6-12 servings of grains per day!  Bread, pasta, cereal, skim milk(aka sugar-in-a-glass).  Your body will respond by spiking insulin, since whole wheat grains raise insulin faster and higher than a Snickers bar! Insulin is, among other things, a fat storage signal, and an aging hormone as well.  But heck, the US Dept. of Agriculture has lots of grains to sell, since they subsidize big Ag farmers to grow them...

Go to the Doctor frequently, and take all the medicines he suggests!

Statin drugs, which have side effects like muscle wasting, cancer, joint pain, and weight gain might be a good place to start.  It's a multi-billion dollar industry selling these drugs, and even though it probably won't reduce your risk of a heart attack at all, at least you're doing your patriotic duty- spending lots of money, staying sick (and getting sicker), and supporting big Agriculture, big Pharmaceuticals, and the payoffs they make to big Government and the Medical Schools.

So, there you have it in a nutshell: how to get fat and sick!  

What?  You want to achieve the opposite?!  

Well, I'm surprised and shocked, but if you insist I'll tell you how to do that next post...


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