Solitude

Much is made in paleo circles of the importance of engaging in a “tribe”, whether it be family, neighborhood, church family, or even a stone-age tribe, should you happen to have one.  (And I don’t mean old Flintstone episodes)!  In fact, I am one of those espousing the essential nature of having a tribe.  It really is a necessary thing, for both physical and mental health.

BUT, the yin to the yang of that idea is that each of us, whether we realize it or not, needs solitude.  And I don’t mean just being alone to go on Facebook, or to shop on Ebay- I mean being completely alone, with not telephone, cell phone browsing, computer surfing, or television watching- I mean just YOU.  I want to say “no electronics”, but that’s not right either- electric lights and such are fine; after all, how can you read otherwise in the dark, unless you are like Abe Lincoln by the fireplace light?

Constantly interacting with others is NOT OK- it is a sign of dependence, and is not healthy if done to excess.  Humans need to have time alone; time to reflect, to get back in touch with their very natures.  In the modern, electronically connected world, this is increasingly hard to accomplish- but it is even more necessary for all that!

I isolated myself today in one of the best ways I know how: I went out to my Fortress of Solitude- my PUB! 

“A pub, you say?  How can that be isolating, how can that be regenerative?”  Well, let me tell you.  This pub is right on my property, set well back from my rural house, right back in the woods.  It is nothing more that an 8’ X 14’ Amish built shed that I had hauled there years ago, and my wife and I decorated as an Irish pub.  We outfitted it with a bar, a long couch, chairs and stools.  I also added, since we live in the wilds of Wisconsin, a propane heater that keeps it as toasty as I’d like!   I also run lamps and clocks within it, with a LONG extension cord from the garage and batteries.  It really is like a tiny Irish pub, in the middle of nowhere.

Today, in preparation for a stressful upcoming rest of the week, I went down there to ‘rest up’, which more accurately refers to getting in touch with my inner, paleolithic self.  “Hi, PaleoJay, how are you doing?  Let’s spend some time together.”  That’s what I asked myself, and that’s what I did.  Me, myself and I- we might as well have been in the howling wilderness of the far, far north- I could hear the wind howling outside, as I sat with my book on the couch.  The wind, and nothing else.  The light from an old lamp illuminated my pages, and I was utterly immersed for hours.

I had brought down a cigar, and eventually smoked it, along with some dark chocolate and a few beers… BAD PaleoJay!   Not really, but I imagine some of you are chanting that.  It was SO relaxing, I hardly noticed that several hours had gone by! 

My wife had started a pot roast with a Highland beef roast this morning, and I was dying to try that, so eventually I made my way up back to the house.  I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, but I hadn’t even noticed hunger, until I got inside- wow, did that smell good!  And it tasted even better.

As I ate, I thought of how good I felt, mentally- I had worked out hard this morning, going particularly hard on isometrics, more of which I will expand upon later.  But this had made me so relaxed, that I was content to sit motionless for hours on end, rebuilding.  I also thought of solitude, and how important it is for us to be by ourselves on a regular basis. 

So important do I think solitude to be, that I have TWO Fortresses of Solitude!  (Even Superman only had ONE!)  I have my backyard Irish Pub, and my family also has a cabin just over an hour away, back in the woods.  When I go to either place, I KNOW there will be no phone calls, no TV, and only solitude.  At the cabin, I can start a fire in the fireplace, and then just meditate as the logs crackle and the flames dance across the log walls.  I can read, and I can write, both of which are cathartic, creative acts; unlike television, which is uncreative consuming, something to be minimized at all costs.

But creative endeavors are to be cultivated- and that is why both my backyard PUB and my log cabin are also- juke joints.  Sometimes I perform for others, but when I am at either of these places, I generally play for myself and myself alone.  I can go for long periods, and it is wonderful fun, as fun as writing is- for, we mostly have forgotten, but creating things, stories or art or music or theater or woodcarving or- anything- is the greatest form of fulfillment and entertainment that we, as humans, can find!

I went back a month ago, and this is what I found I had recorded I did at the cabin- it’s not meant to be performance, or impressive- but it sure was a lot of fun!  Imagine, it was just me, all alone in a small cabin, with a small amp, a guitar, and the drum machine on my phone.  As the wind sighed through the pines outside while the fireplace blazed, there was your PaleoJay, hacking away on his guitar and just generally having a blast!

In solitude.

Good Rockin at Cabin

Check out this episode!

Eat More SALT! on Paleo quick tip of the day podcast

Once again, as we should be getting used to in modern medicine: they have gotten it all wrong! We have been told for decades and decades, at least since the early 1970’s, that high salt consumption is the worst thing ever, and it will kill us, giving us high blood pressure, and also heart disease after that.  Salt is bad bad bad, and we should do our best to consume as little salt as possible!

Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Just as we were told that eating fat will not only make us fat, but it will clog our arteries and kill us sooner rather than later!  The solution?  Just as with salt- eat as little fat as possible, and what you do eat, should be vegetable oils, since they aren’t saturated. 

Again, wrong, wrong, wrong!  Just as good, God-made fats are essential to human health and life, so to is salt.  And perhaps salt is even more important, since we evolved in the ocean originally- all creatures on this earth did, and our very blood is laden with salt, just as is the ocean.  If we don’t take in salt on a daily basis, especially if we are involved in athletic pursuits and sweat it out, our body goes into crisis mode!  Our heart rate goes up, (very bad for the health of the heart, by the way), and insulin resistance is increased, all in a desperate attempt to save our precious salt stores, which we need for our very survival.

And we have been told to severely limit our salt intake??

I have known about the importance of salt, particularly in the natural, mineral laden form of sea salt for a very long time.  And once again, it put me in the situation of espousing something that almost no one would believe- after all, their doctor told them the opposite, as did every U.S. dietician- who would believe little old PaleoJay? 

Well, at last someone has put the nail in the lying, mistaken coffin of salt limitation, and that person is Dr. James DiNicolantonio, in his book The Salt Fix- Why the Experts got it wrong, and how eating more might save your life!

For now, you only need to know that your own body is almost magical in its ability to tell you how much salt you need!  Simply remember that, if you crave salt- eat it! 

It really is (like most things health related) that simple.  For instance, if you crave food- just eat real food, not processed junk.  Good honest fats like butter and cream.  Grass fed meats and wild caught seafood- diet really is that simple!

And so is our need for salt.  If you are getting ready for a really strenuous workout, like I did today in my dungeon of a basement, doing high rep hindu squats and gymnastic ring pushups for several hundred reps, along with a number of other exercises like Aerobic Isometrics- take in a good amount of salt before doing so!  Just make sure that your salt, like your real food, is 100% real and natural- a good sea salt, matey!

The best I’ve found is Redmond’s sea salt, from Utah.  This is mined salt from the bed of a long-gone, ancient sea.  A primeval sea, one uncontaminated with plastics and other petrochemicals as have our modern seas become.  Also, to my mind, it tastes the best!  All the natural minerals, none of the contaminates- a win win for me.  (I have no affiliation with Redmond’s, by the way).

So eat real food!  Eat real salt, too!  If you don’t, uh, well, you’re not worth your…sugar!

Check out this episode!

Aerobic Isometrics podcast on Paleo Quick tip of the Day

One of the most productive and efficient ways to work out is using something called aerobic isometrics.  It actually sounds contradictory, for after all isn’t isometric exercise working against an immovable object for time?  And isn’t aerobics moving the body at a steady state for a longer period of time?

Yes and yes.  But they actually come together very well, and when done this way they are an incredibly good, and safe way to really get fit!  And a real fitness, that combines the cardio system and the strength building of the muscles together very effectively! 

Let’s try it first in the classic pull-up or chin-up.  Either use a low hanging bar or tree branch- (hey- you’re paleo, aren’t you caveman?)- or else place a stool that lets you extend your arms fully, while standing on your stool (or stump).  Anyway, the idea is that you support your weight on your legs, but then you put more and more weight on your hands and arms.  Slowly squat down, giving just enough help from your legs to go up and down in a chin-up.  Go very slowly- it helps to have a clock in front of you with a sweep second hand.  I like to go slowly up and down for a full minute- perhaps I wind up doing about 5 chins, maybe more.  Sometimes, I go so slowly that I only do 1. or two chins or pull-ups over the course of a minute, or sometimes a minute and a half.

If you think these are easy, because your legs are “helping”, they definitely are not!  You should only be helping with your legs enough to actually move slowly- no more.  Often, on the negative motion I will lift my knees off of the support, and do a slow negative chin.  It is quite taxing to do the exercise this way, and it really taxes and builds the entire back and biceps, along with the cardiovascular system!  You will only need to do 1 rep, trust me.

You can do the same thing with dips, helping with your legs on a dip rack.  Excellent exercise, in fact if you do these two exercises, dips and chins, you are getting your whole upper body worked very effectively indeed!  And it is very, very safe- if the exercise gets too hard, just put your feet down and help.  And so time efficient, it only takes a few minutes.

You can also do a pushup as an aerobic isometric: Get in the forward pushup plank position, and slowly lower yourself downwards.  You won’t be able to go upwards slowly enough, so just get to the top position after you hit bottom, and do another slow, slow negative.  Depending on how slow you make yourself go, you will only be able to do a few reps, but those reps will equal dozens done in standard fashion, both for muscle building and aerobically.

If you have a power rack, or “cage” as I do, left over from my misguided heavy weight lifting days, why then you are golden indeed my friend!  I have a whole routine that I do weekly using my rack, pushing against the steel pins of the rack, and letting my legs help me “just enough” to go up and down.  One is the military press for a minute, (very grueling).  I use a wooden dowel, that I press against the pin above my head, and slowly dip my legs down as I press really hard upwards against that down.  This one is great for both legs and shoulders!

One tip on that last- counter to how most do military or upright presses, you should not put your arms out to shoulder width and press directly upwards- no one naturally lifts this way, and it is hard on your precious shoulder joints.  Instead, grasp the dowel about 12-15 inches apart, above your head, as if you were lifting a baby overhead.  This is how we lift real loads above our heads in the natural world- the paleo world!

So try it out.  If you do have a access to a power rack, or perhaps a playground set of some sort, you can experiment with reverse curls into the pins, working legs and arms together.  And grip work using the immovable dowel is amazing as well- when is the last time working your grip made you breathless as well as muscularly tired?

I also like hack squats, leaning far back with both hands grasping the sides of the rack, and one-legged squats using the rack for support.  There’s lots you can do!  But to really get the Perfectly Paleo Workout, finish up with leg raises for your abs, raising your legs straight out in front to eye height, and then go to your gymnastic rings.  Pound out a few hundred pushups, in sets of 20, 15, and 10, interspersed with ring flies.  Trust me, it will feel great- you are oxygenating your whole body with blood, which is the last thing you might need after your Aerobic Isometrics to have a truly great workout! 

Check out this episode!

Bone Broth and Kidney Stones- podcast

Chanca Piedra

And so is chanca piedra, which I promised I would mention after my previous podcast about my kidney stone!

Now, these two items- bone broth and kidney stones are related, so stay tuned and I will explain.  I got my kidney stone from, I believe now, actually overdosing on spinach for years and years!  Contrary to popular belief, spinach has gotten a “halo of virtue”, and we all think it is nothing but loads of beneficial vitamins and minerals, all in a pretty green package.  But it also has oxalates, which are a chemical or ester that protects the spinach plant.  And the wheat plant, the rhubarb, the raspberry- in fact, many plants that we tend to regard as all good!  

They’re not.  And if you, like me now, have ever experienced the utter pain of a kidney stone, you will realize that.  But in addition, this chemical, which is stored away in the form of calcium crystals throughout the body of those of us mammals that dare to eat the plant that contains them, can cause all sorts of pain and illness in the human body.  

From joint pains, to tooth and bone density issues, to sleep troubles and digestive issues!  Oxalates are like gluten and gliaden- insidious, harmful, and hard to track or trace.  Kidney stones are just one of the more obvious contamination issues.  But I have two suggestions for you:

First- get rid of your kidney stone, if you have one, as fast as possible- pass by the urologist and the incredible pain and expense he will offer you, and order a bottle of chanca piedra for about $12.  Take a dropper full in each of the many, many glasses of water you should also be drinking to get rid of the dang thing, and hold on tight!

And above all, from now on go on a low oxalate diet!  I would drop spinach entirely, along with rhubarb, beets, and raspberries- oxalate levels in each of these are off the charts.  Of course, I hope you are already off of wheat, since that is also high in this poison as well as gluten.  And step two?

Heal your gut!  A leaky gut opens you to every disease under the sun, so get to healing it.  Bone Broth is the best tool for this that there is, helping to sooth, heal, and finally seal your gut lining- this is really job #1 in both health maintenance and health restoration!  As Hippocrates said so long ago: “All health begins in the gut.”  And it turns out he was right.

Once again, the best web site I have found on oxalates and their dangers is this one: https://sallyknorton.com/  Read through what she has to say, and take it to heart.  I have no affiliation with her whatsoever, but I recognize excellence and knowledge when I see and hear it, and Sally Norton has it.  Take her advice, along with mine, and heal thyself!

I HATE Oxalates! PaleoJay's Smoothie Cafe podcast.

Evil Oxalates presented by a Hippie!

I’ll admit, this is a new one for me.  A new, and painful lesson, to be sure- I got a kidney stone!  

Now, of course I had heard of kidney stones- my little brother actually had one a few years back, and went through a really painful, expensive operation to get it removed.  ‘But not me’, I thought- ‘I am always healthy, never need to get treated for anything, and prize my health beyond measure!  To this end, I always drink a daily Green Smoothie, with coconut milk (good), spices (good), cruciferous vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower (good), along with kefir, apple cider vinegar, ginger root, and berries- all of which are good.  

But I also put in either a big portion of raw spinach, or a beet and beet greens- sometimes both!  I’ve been doing this for years and years…

Most of us think that any dark green is very healthy, indeed- I know I did.  I grew up with Popeye the Sailorman, who is ‘strong to the finish- when he eats his spinach- he’s Popeye the sailor man’.  Well, just add Popeye, one of my childhood heroes, to the list of authority figures like M.D.’s and medical clinics, left-wing politicians and others who are and always have been wrong.  (However well-meaning.)  But, it does turn out that kale is relatively low in oxalates, as are mustard greens!

As I already knew, plants are chemical warfare masters, coming up with things like phytic acid and gluten and gliadin, (among other toxic chemicals) that are loaded into wheat so that we mammals don’t eat them or their babies.  After all, since plants can’t run away or fight, chemical toxins are their only defense, really.  This is why wheat is so awful for us, particularly modern wheat.  But it is also why spinach and many other plants are also bad, because they are loaded with a chemical called an oxalate.

Nuts, beans, and peanuts are oxalate bombs- eat sparingly, along with your dark chocolate- after all, these things are treats- desserts, really- not a main food group!  And of course, grains are horrible, high sources of oxalate poisons, best eliminated entirely if possible.  

Of course, I’d heard of oxalates- but I had never heard just how bad they really are, especially if you take in enough that your body cannot readily get rid of them- then, they form oxalate crystals, and unfortunately I eventually got one, right inside my right kidney.  It hurts something awful, too, but I’ve learned how to deal with that- I just keep completely hydrated, drinking mostly water, but also lemon water and cranberry juice- as long as I stay really hydrated, there is no pain.  I expect to pass the stone naturally- I will keep you posted.  

The bad thing is, oxalates also do lots of other damage- to your teeth, to your gut lining (oh no-just like wheat!), to your bones, making them week- and also contributes to all kinds of symptoms that we normally ascribe to aging, and so they are largely ignored as “natural”.  They are not!  Headaches, tendon and muscle pain, brain fog- the more I read, the more oxalates sound just like gluten- bad news all around!

I am going on a low oxalate diet.  After awhile, I can again include small portions of these foods, but for now I want my body to get rid of its stores of this poison.  Black pepper, potatoes, spinach and beet greens are bad- spinach is by far the worst- raw or cooked!

The goal should not be to eliminate oxalates completely, but to gradually lower them to less than 50 to 60 mg. per day.  Potato chips have 21 mg. per ounce- choose corn chips instead.  Rhubarb and raspberries are very high indeed, and are two of my favorites.  Or at least, they used to be!  Likewise black pepper- at least for now.  After awhile, up to 1 tsp. per day is OK- and really, who eats more than that?  Even the spices turmeric and circumin have oxalates, and I even found that cranberries are quite high- I guess that cranberry juice is out now!  Circumin supplements are particularly high…  Turmeric is similar to black pepper, in that no more than 1 tsp. per day- and again, who consumes more than that?

Meat and meat based products, along with most fruits are quite free of oxalates!  This includes dairy, and this is wonderful news indeed.  It appears that vegetarians and vegans are particularly prone to high oxalate diets, and this makes perfect sense.  I found a good authority in www.sallyknorton.com  She is an expert in oxalates and in low oxalate diet and its benefits.  I recommend her site highly.

Also, it is quite difficult to really get a handle on what foods are, really, high in oxalates I’ve found.  Many say one food is “really high”, but if you check out this chart, you can see that, if eaten occasionally rather than daily, they really are no problem.  For instance, a baked potato (by the way, never eat the skin!) is about 18 mg per 100 grams- this is ok, for instance, kept to a weekly basis.  All alcohol is pretty much fine, although the lists love to say they are “off limits- except of course for the hallowed red wine- which, of course, the ‘intellectuals’ putting together these lists can’t imagine living without!  Beer is really low too, though they list it as high risk.  

This list is very helpful:  http://www.wakehealth.edu/Urology/Kidney-Stones/Oxalate-Content-of-Foods.htm

In addition, in order to bring my own condition to a speedy conclusion, I have ordered an herb tincture called Chanka Pedreo, which is widely recommend to help break down kidney stones.  Once again, I will do a personal N=1 experiment, and let you know my outcome. 

My own takeaway is that perhaps we need to go back to the rudiments of the original Paleo Diet, which recommended no potatoes, tomatoes, or other nightshades!  Once again, I shall keep you posted.  Good DAY!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff- Paleo Minutae

A growing trend has begun troubling me in the paleo sphere- concentrating on minutae.  Little things, in other words. 

Instead of just focussing on the large issues in what is wrong in health and fitness these days, most of the paleo “in crowd” seem to be trying to distinguish themselves by choosing some small niche in the field, and going on and on about how important that one small thing is!  I realize most folks that talk and write about paleo nutrition and wellness are trying to make a living from it, I get that.  But by stressing that most people need this exclusive test, or that one; while they might be carving out a lucrative niche for themselves, the are obscuring the important, vital overall message that everyone needs to hear, not just Paleo aficionados who study this stuff to death. 

While I might fall into that latter category, I am different in that I am not trying to make a living in the paleo field, or even to make a name for myself and become a recognized “expert”.  I do have an e-book on Perfectly Paleo Exercise that has turned out to be quite a good seller, but the reason I put that out was because I couldn’t find any other place that was really putting out what I considered good, safe, productive exercise information!  Everything was just recycled body building, long distance running, powerlifting  and Cross Fit types of stuff, most of which I consider largely useless, and oftentimes harmful.  So I decided to show a correct alternative using body weight, virtual, isometric, and self resisted movements since there was nowhere else really to find it.

But this is not specifically about exercise.  The Paleo, or now “Paleo-ish” lifestyle as it has evolved to become, is a really powerful, simple thing!  If all of the experts in the field, which also seem to be developing into a kind of exclusive club that recognizes one another for mutual benefit and exclusivity each stresses a few things, like SIBO or Candida, or goes into paroxysms in a wild debate over which is better, Paleo or Ketogenic- all they do is start to confuse the average person.  They take the message, and garble it.

Not to make this more important than it is, but think of it like what happened to Christianity.  Whether you are a believer or not, you probably know that Jesus had a very simple, understandable concept behind his preaching: Love One Another as You Love Yourself.  Of course there is very much more, but that is the basis- Simple, understandable, and very transforming in and of itself.

But think what has become of that simplicity over the ages, as self-serving folks tried to “explain it better, more fully”, and incidentally started huge, exclusive churches with elaborate hierarchies and overarching agendas focussed on money, prestige, and power!  The Paleo Kingdom is far newer and smaller, but I think the idea is the same.

Live as well as you can like our ancient ancestors- Eat real food.  Avoid chemicals things made in a lab, and live a life in the outdoors as much as you can, moving and exercising in a natural manner in nature, and sleeping and resting amply each night.  Enjoy family and neighborhood connections, and avoid stress, particularly the stress of modern drugs and the ill-advised procedures of modern medicine, which is profit-based, not health- based.

That is my off-the-cuff explanation, not perfect of course, but pretty simple and basic.  Of course there are variations: original, Loren Cordain Paleo allowed NO dairy, no legumes, and he was quite an endurance exercise proponent.  I do very well indeed with high fat dairy, some legumes are fine for me, and I have discovered that endurance exercise is a bad fit of the vast majority, who are in need of muscle tissue far more than aerobic endurance.   Everyone needs to find just what works for them, but the truth is:

Cutting out grains, eating a higher fat diet along with lots and lots of vegetables and quality protein TRANSFORMS PEOPLE’S HEALTH!!

Doing just that above, even for a couple of weeks, will literally begin to transform anyone who does it!  They really don’t need to have lots of expensive tests, visit naturopath professionals or functional medicine docs or even regular M.D.’s- they just need to get started on the basics, and then sticking to it!  It really is just that simple.

You don’t really want to have a “guru” of health, although there may be a few that you follow that make sense to you.  But just take from each one what they have that is valuable, try it out, and then carry on on your own.  YOU are your own best health advocate!  Make it your hobby, both for you and for your family.  No one, absolutely no one cares as much about you and yours as YOU DO.

So go thou, and be a paleo pioneer my friend.  Forget the testing, the many gimmicks; the clubs and groups and this and that- just eat paleo, exercise paleo, and live paleo.

Check out this episode!

YOU are responsible for your Health!

I can help you!

In this time of snowflakes, or those who cannot experience one moment of discomfort in their lives, one of the worst trends, health-wise, is that of folks relying- actually worshipping medical clinics and standard doctors!  

I have nothing against M.D.’s, they are wonderful to have around when you have stopped a bullet or been run over by a bus.  They are trained, since the Civil War (which, by the way snowflakes, was a war where white men fought and died to free black slaves), to save men that have been traumatized dramatically, and help them to survive, ultimately to return to the battle field.  Really, this is when modern western medicine really got in its stride.  Emergency medicine!

But, in terms of staying healthy, getting healthy, or regaining health- sorry, it is all up to you.  

I think this is the whole disconnect, right there.  Nowadays, people want to think that medical doctors and clinics can save them, literally.  Save them from themselves!  The vast majority of people do not want to change what they eat, and their lifestyle, one bit.  They want to continue to eat cereal for breakfast, but they will use skim milk, since that will save them.  (Low fat)

They also want to eat fast food for lunch, and sometimes they will eat a salad with the supplied soybean rancid seed oil dressing, washing it down with an artificially sweetened beverage, and having a bun or some other GMO crap topped with loads of more rancid seed oil, in the form of margarine. (Because it’s low fat, don’t you know)  

Supper can be a thick crust, Chicago style pizza, since you have been “good” all day, eating low fat, and watching those calories!  You are starving, so you eat the whole thing- after all, you walked in your cushioned sneakers at the mall for a good 30 minutes this morning.  You stay up late, watching CNN and feeling virtuous, since you are doing so well- and you can’t wait for your doctor’s appointment at the clinic next week, since you know you will do so well, since you follow all of their recommendation to the letter!  You just want to ask your doctor why you can’t lose weight; you just keep yo-yoing up and down- and you have constant headaches, and then there is your acid reflux that is becoming chronic.  You are so depressed as well…

What a surprise at the clinic when the doctor raises alarm bells- your health appears to be horrible!  Your triglycerides are sky high, and he recommends a statin, high blood pressure medication- and- oh yes, it’s time for a colonoscopy, along with a series of tests that need to be scheduled, since you are over 50 now, and everyone over 50 needs lots of medications and continual tests, since otherwise you can never stay alive.

You go home with your bags and bags of pills you got from the pharmacy.  You feel virtuous!  You are doing everything right!  You eat lots and LOTS of whole grains, not too much white flour, (except maybe your pizza, but you do mostly right- wheat chex every morning, right?)  And the doctor says that mall walking is probably the best exercise that you can do, along with Zumba, which you plan to start next month.  Things are looking great!

But, as you watch the bluish glow from your large-screen TV, you kind of wonder why you feel like crap?  You remember Grandma and Grandpa, who lived on that hardscrabble farm in the midwest… How had they survived so long?  They ate bacon and eggs every morning like clockwork, and slaughtered their own animals as well.  They never made near as much money as you do, out in the suburbs, but the always seemed healthy and happy, Grandpa out cutting wood in his late 80’s while Grandma was frying bacon and then doing all of the household chores, including weeding the huge vegetable garden on a near daily basis.

You look distractedly at Rachel Maddow, your hero, and remember that Grandma and Grandpa always were in bed by 9, while you never go to bed before midnight, despite having to get up at 5.  YOU are no stick-in-the-mud like those old fossils, even thought you love them dearly.  Those poor, benighted souls…all of that butter, and red meat, and just a high fat diet!  How can they stay alive??

Shrugging, you remember you need to take your pills- blood pressure, statins, anti-depressants, acid-blockers- well, the list goes on and on.  You feel great as you take them, knowing you are destined, through medical science, to live the longest, healthiest life in the history of the human race, thanks to worshipping the medical science developed in the 1970’s!!

Finally, you go to bed.  Since you live in a metropolitan area, since of course the job prospects are so much more lucrative there, you lie in bed listening to the sirens and urban clamor all around you.  The bright lights from the street lights shine in on your bedroom, so you sure don’t need a nightlight!  You smile.  Grandma and Grandpa have been sleeping for hours!  What kind of life is that, anyway?  You lie back, waiting for sleep to come- tomorrow will be a stressful day, in fact they are all stressful days- high pressure!

You lie there, light shining in your windows, noise outside as it will continue all night.  You can’t sleep, in fact you almost never can sleep.  ‘Have to ask the doctor about  sleeping pills next week,’ you think.  You pull out your phone, and check out facebook- you sigh.  This will be one long night; hopefully you will get a few hours of sleep.

At 6 AM the next morning, Grandpa gets out of bed, and goes lightly downstairs to make the coffee for the two of them.  He starts his morning exercises, doing limbering and stretching ones mostly, but concluding with pushups and situps, of which he can do a surprising number, strictly.  

After showering, Grandma comes down, and they make a large breakfast together of eggs, meat, and a big smoothie made in their Vitamix- their offspring would be startled and horrified, since it is a high fat smoothie, and a high fat meal altogether!  They laugh together, and talk, planning their day.  Grandpa needs to mow their rural acreage with his tractor, which he loves, so Grandma will run to town to get some ribs and steak for later on, along with some baking potatoes, that she will load with sour cream and pastured butter.  The sun shines down on their rural place, and Grandpa smiles as he goes out to his tractor- this will be a fulfilling day!

You kind of wake up, after the alarm on your phone goes off, on the nightstand right next to your head.  You really don’t know if you ever slept, really, or not.  You only know you feel groggy.  You stumble downstairs, and put some whole wheat bread in the toaster, and pull out the margarine.  ‘How am I going to make it through this day?’ you think.  ‘I feel like crap, what will I do later when I’m even more tired?”  You munch your tasteless bread, topped with an even more tasteless and nutrition less fake fat.  You drink your coffee, laced with skimmed milk and artificial sweetener.  You finally take a shower with fake soap that is mainly Sodium Lauryl Sulphate.  You remember that you have to also ask the doctor about why your skin is so dry, red and flaking!  My goodness, this doctor list of questions keeps growing and growing.

You smile, thankful that you are ultimately saved!  Modern medicine is a miracle- you will live a really long life, unlike Grandma and Grandpa and others like them.  They don’t know about science- they are hicks- rubes, really- the fact that they are so old shows that they don’t know anything!